Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
