I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
