Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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