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• (207): View more from Maine

  I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dude. stop pregaming the food network.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"

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• (607): View more from New York

  I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic

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• (408): View more from California

  I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?

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• (716): View more from New York

  He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  why is there glitter IN my vagina????

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