There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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