At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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