you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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