I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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