were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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