I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
