my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's like iHOP with fire
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
