Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
