I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
