med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
