I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's shark week go big or go home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
