I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
