I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
