I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
