I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
