i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
