I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
