Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
