i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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