No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
