maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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