She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
