can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What a dumb baby whore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
