I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
