GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
