what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
