no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
