So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
