All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
