it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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