I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
