I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I touched a dick in church today
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
