Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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