it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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