Yo dont text me then not text me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
