The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
