oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
