I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize