the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
