There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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