Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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