You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
