Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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