So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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