Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
