YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
