The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
