Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
