You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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