woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
