ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
