Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
