those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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