just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
