obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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