Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your penis caused this!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize