"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
