i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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