Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
