The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
