Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
