Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
