I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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