I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
