We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This toilet bowl is my home.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
